Steve Kearns and Jeff Morton

Steve (squash player and golfer) Kearns

Jeff (wanna be ball player) Morton

Steve Kearns


What is your greatest weakness?
A really hard breaking ball, when I don’t have a partner who can pick it up.  No problem this year though….my partner gets everything (until just recently – too much pressure J )

What is the most memorable or favourite sporting event you ever attended?

Leafs vs Bruins, February 2, 1976.  Sat right behind the goal with my Dad…Darryl Sittler’s record 10 point night.  (now that is a great memory)

Who is your favourite James Bond girl? 

Come on…we’d all take any of them…no favorites here. (Yes you are right)

What are you most looking forward to in 2013?

Golf season.

What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta?

Bowder/Chuck.  I think if we beat them, we win.

How do you think Byron broke his leg?

I’m really not sure but noticed he is taking full advantage of the handicap parking spots. 

How do you think your team will do in this year’s Calcutta?

We’ll be there for at least 2 games.  Maybe more…

If the Calcutta was like Survivor, who would be first voted off the island and who would be your favourite to win based on their ability to outthink, outwit and outlast the others?

Me.  I hate Survivor.  I’d vote myself off.

Taylor Swift or Rihanna or Shania?

Taylor.  Hands down. (partner agrees)

What is your favourite meal?

Anything on a Big Green Egg (look it up).  Check out this picture – anyone ever wonder where Richard Green got all his money – could be this contraption

What do you want to be doing five years from now?

Preparing for another Calcutta, with a really under-rated partner. (well partner I am the only one who over rates myself)

Jeff Morton

What is your greatest weakness?
Some might say my backhand, but frankly it could be a lack of patience in just about everything I do.

What is the most memorable or favourite sporting event you ever attended?

1981 Blue Jay home opener with my Dad, two brothers and a few other guys. Beat the Yankees, cold day and cold beers at CNE stadium

Who is your favourite James Bond girl? 

Solitaire – Live and Let Die

What are you most looking forward to in 2013?

 Coming off the wagon at the Calcutta

What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta? 

Ivan and Brent (after they knock off Graham and Drew)

How do you think Byron broke his leg? 

Recently, during a routine patrol, A Burlington police officer parked down the street, outside Burlington Racquets.  After last call, the officer observed Byron leaving the side door. Byron was so intoxicated that he could barely walk. He then stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. 

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, Byron managed to find his car, which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes and then threw a hook and line out the window and seemed to be trying to catch a fish. A number of other patrons paid no attention to this crazy drunk as they left the bar and drove off.

Finally Byron the drunk started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry fall night in November) flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn, and switched on the headlights.
He then pulled in the hook and line and moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patron vehicles left. At last, the parking lot was empty; he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.

The officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled Byron over. He performed a Breathalyzer test on Byron who cooperated fully, and to his amazement, the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, I will have to ask you to accompany me to Headquarters.
This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Byron.
"Tonight I'm the designated decoy." 

Byron then tripped and fell getting back into the car and broke his leg.

How do you think your team will do in this year’s Calcutta? 

Better than last year 

If the Calcutta was like Survivor, who would be first voted off the island and who would be your favourite to win based on their ability to outthink, outwit and outlast the others?

 Dave Peters first off since he is such a stud and too much a physical threat and Mark Litton to win it all – I mean really who doesn’t like Mark

Taylor Swift or Rihanna or Shania?

Taylor Swift who coined the memorable

We are never ever ever getting back together
We are never ever ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends talk
To my friends talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

What is your favourite meal? 

Spaghetti and meatballs

What do you want to be doing five years from now? Playing Division 5 at the 3 spot with Mike Donnelly