Thank you

Well another Calcutta is in the books and we'd be remiss if we did not thank Nate Drew and his organizing committee for their efforts.  

Handicapping committee Nate, Dave Peters, Peter Lemieux, Richard Bellm, John Graham and Gary Long

Brent Hurtubise for coordinating brackets

John Graham from Coldwell Banker Burnhill Realty for being the main sponsor.

Also many thanks to Nate and Byron from Oliver, Rhonda Sparks (use your massage coupons guys), Clive and Neil Cawse from Geotab and Cameron's Brewery.

Here's the summary of the money

Total Bet: $9310.00 up from the $8300 last year.

1st Place owners: $4655.00 (Cass's group)

2nd Place owners: $2330.00 (Jeff's group)

3rd Place owners: $1390.00 (Nate's group)

4th Place owners: $935.00 (Tom and Cass's group 50/50)

Players pot:

1st Place: $400.00

2nd Place: $200.00

3rd Place: $150.00

4th Place: $50.00

Bracket pot:

$420.00 split three ways between Doug Walton, Chris Clark and Richard Bellm.

The Results

Wow what a weekend.  22 points to win the over all bracket shows how far doubles have improved that it is that difficult to predict who will win each match.  

Sunday's first match saw the even team of Mike Donnelly and Alex Falconer hold off plus 4 Mark Braden and Rick James winning 15-13 and 2-1. 

Next saw Chris Clark and Paul Kretz over Neil Cawse and Ray Coates 15-13 in 3.  Chris pretty tired after doing his best to keep up with Neil the ghost Cawse.  Hats off to high handicappers Ray and Neil for being the only team with -8 to advance to quarters

Cass Quinn and Richard Bellm then played Rob Coach Bowder and Chuck DoCouto in an entertaining match again 2-1 with Cass sorry Rob I didn't mean to get in your way Quinn and Bedlam advancing.

The final quarter final included Gear Bear and Clive Cawse against Paul "useless c*&^" Kelly and the Pirate Gaudette.  Clive made a bunch of great shots, used his ear plugs effectively and helped move he and Gary into the semis.

First up was Mike and Alex versus the +5 tandem of Chris and Paul.  Despite no DSL being called (Donnelly Stomach Let) the Clark Kretz tandem won 2-0

Cass and Richard won the next match over Gary/Clive with highlights being one of the linesman being asked not to drink beer.  Really?  

In the 3/4 game Gary and Clive came through with flying colours in their second consecutive match. So Gear Bear now has a 1st, 4th and 3rd in the 3 years of the BFRC Calcutta.  Congrats to all four participants in this match.

The final was a classic.  For the second year in a row, the final went 14-14 in third and deciding game. Both Paul and Chris and Cass and Richard played very well with great shots, gets and good sportsmanship (ok maybe Cass walking into Chris on one shot may not be model behaviour).  Very entertaining for the crowd for sure - congrats to Cass and Richard for their win.

Cass Quinn, John Graham, Nate Drew and Richard Bellm

Chris Clark, Paul Kretz, John Graham and Nate Drew

Clive Cawse, John Graham, Nate Drew and Gear Bear

4th place picture issues so here are the lads Mike and Alex

Defending Champ Rob Bowder and Chuck deCouto

Here's the last pre-Calcutta posting.  I had a chance to talk to Rob at the auction night.  He didn't sound optimistic about his chances of repeating.  Me thinks he was trying to be coy. Never count this guy out.  Meanwhile, Chuck had his infamous smile going all night - we'll see if he's still smiling after running his ass off on the right wall against Nate/John or Andrew/Dr. Dick

Still my favourite Rob photo - everyone looks up to GRay



What is your greatest weakness? 
            Dark & Stormys, although the Black Russian is going down quite well as I type this.

What is the most memorable or favourite sporting event you ever attended?

            Stanley Cup, ’97 in Detroit, 4^th game of the sweep, or…….

’90 Orange Bowl Colorado vs Notre Dame, no-no-no…..

The 2012 BFRC Calcutta Finals 15-14 in the final game! (Bastard)

Who is your favourite James Bond girl? 

            Dr Holy Goodhead

What are you most looking forward to in 2013?

            Golfing at Bandon Dunes for my birthday. (Now that's a bunker)

What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta?

            Anyone!

How do you think Byron broke his leg?

            Slipped while getting ice for his non-alcoholic drink

How do you think your team will do in this year’s Calcutta?

            Poorly, back-to-back would be too much to bear, ask Gary.

If the Calcutta was like Survivor, who would be first voted off the island and who would be your favourite to win based on their ability to outthink, outwit and outlast the others?

            Donnelly, first off and winning; for his wit and cunning

Taylor Swift or Rihanna or Shania?

            Taylor, blonde like the beer, goes down easier

What is your favourite meal?

            Bangers & mash at the ‘Judge when Nate & Gary are buying, it just doesn’t taste the same otherwise.

What do you want to be doing five years from now?

Dr Holly Goodhead! (that't not your gun in her hand Rob)

Charles duCouto

It is really hard to tell if Charles is laughing or crying in the above photo.  Here's hoping you have a good time this weekend Chuck.  

Good Ray

In between his sly grin after making one of his sliders, G Ray had this to say

What is your greatest weakness?
Not being paired up with someone as old and injured as myself.  It means higher expectations of the team.

What is the most memorable or favourite sporting event you ever attended?

I would have to say it was a couple of years ago at a C singles T and D match against Pinevalley.  Byron was playing 3 against an 8 year old boy (his racket was bigger his body).  Can’t tell you who won but it had to of been one of the most exciting matches I had seen.  After the match Byron shared a milkshake with the little guy.

Who is your favourite James Bond girl? 

Barbara Bach, I always wanted to be part of an under the cover experience with an ex Beatles Bond girl

What are you most looking forward to in 2013?

Finally being part of a winning consortium!!

What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta?

Gary and Clive, because as much as I like both guys and Clive is also a golf buddy, I would like to see someone else feel the evil eye and dipping of the head in disgust when a point is lost. (Exhibit A Wednesday January 23^rd )

How do you think Byron broke his leg?

I trust Byron when he told me he fell into a sink hole while running from Tammy who was trying to shoot him with a water gun.

How do you think your team will do in this year’s Calcutta?

We will probably do better if Morty’s consortium owns us and not so good if the Peter’s clan gets there way with us.

If the Calcutta was like Survivor, who would be first voted off the island and who would be your favourite to win based on their ability to outthink, outwit and outlast the others?

Well the first person voted off the court would be Ray P. because there is really only one “Good Ray”.  

Based on your criteria for who would be last, well you are talking about squash guys really, so the person last standing is the guy that had good luck, it wasn’t through good management.

Taylor Swift or Rihanna or Shania?

Shania, to me she feels more like a woman (but who could forget Natalie Gulbis in body paint in Sports Illustrated - just added it because everyone needs to see this)

What is your favourite meal?

It use to be eating young singles squash players for lunch, but now that I have moved over to lawn bowling,  sorry I mean doubles squash, I prefer seared tuna and red wine.

What do you want to be doing five years from now?

I want to be just like Dave Van Wely!!!!!!

Paul Kretz and Chris Clark

Yours truly and Chris recently talked about life

Chris what's with the warm ups you do for squash?
Well Jeff it helps me get off to a good start and have more confidence in my game.

Speaking of confidence, what do you attribute your plus five team rating too?
I gave Dave Peters a trip to Mexico for he and Rhonda

So everytime you are involved in a trip to a southern destination, someone gets hurt.  What ailment do you think Dave will come back with?
I'm not sure but I know he is involved in a lot of bruises (see below photo from January 20, 2012 Calcutta match)

Now you were with Byron down south on his honeymoon.  Do you have a man crush on him?  No comment

Do you really think you have a chance in the Calcutta?  I have full confidence that my honourable partner will not throw the match against Jury and Litton (if we get by Hairy Ray).  That sets up for a run to the money.

Anything else you want to say to the committee?  Beers are on me this weekend

Paul Kretz

What is your greatest weakness?
Controlling my partner Ray Pozzo in Buffalo Tournament (actually Paul that is an impossible task)

What is the most memorable or favourite sporting event you ever attended?

World Series Game six 1992,  Joe Carter hitting the home run to win the series off Mitch Webster and The Jays will do it again this year  GO JAYS GO !!! (Wow congrats)

Who is your favourite James Bond girl?

The one with the good looks,  great legs and big Hooters, looks like my wife !! (Suck up )

What are you most looking forward to in 2013?

Surviving and the birth of my first grandchild, I have already enrolled in junior squash.

What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta?

 Any team that I don’t bet on

How do you think Byron broke his leg?

 Just like Byron said ,  the meat head at the pool who said “ I will break the leg of anyone who makes a pass at  my wife”  and Byron threw her the football, and broke her nose.”  Not so funny now is it !!

How do you think your team will do in this year’s Calcutta?

 If my partner can carry me like Andrew McBride carried me at the Van Wely tournament I think we have a chance at winning. (Andrew was recently heard seeing Stomping Tom Connors Tillsonburg (my back still aches when I hear that word –see video at following link)

Stompin Tom my back still aches

If the Calcutta was like Survivor, who would be first voted off the island and who would be your favourite to win based on their ability to outthink, outwit and outlast the others?

Taylor Swift or Rihanna or Shania? 

First voted off would be Rihanna because of her idiot boyfriend and the favourite hands down is the best Canadian entertainer all time and best looking and hottest and should be in a James Bond movie, the pride of Ontario and Canada Shania Twain

What is your favourite meal?

 Eggplant parmesan made by my wife (clearly Kretzie was filling guilty about something when he answered this questonairre) 

What do you want to be doing five years from now?

Semi retired,  playing squash every day with buddies, playing cards every day with my friends , playing baseball , winters somewhere warm,And visiting my children and grandchildren  everyday. 

Ed Corbett

Ed and I had a chance to catch up at the club recently.  He had some pretty good insights on squash and a few other items.

What is your greatest weakness?
Squash-wise – those pesky shots with lots of spin that go off the wall defying all laws of physics; personal-wise – stopping the drinking when the beer starts after a sporting event (Exhibit A above but you’ve got a good grin on Ed.)

What is the most memorable or favourite sporting event you ever attended?

I watched the Leafs live in a playoff game once when I was a young man (smart ass). I also was at the first game when the Sky Dome roof was closed (someone piss on your parade?).

Who is your favourite James Bond girl? 

Kim Basinger because of the scene when she was naked under the towel and Sean Connery had her roll over as he took a peek. (top 5 list of hot women for me – 9 ½ weeks)

A younger Ed Corbett and Kim

What are you most looking forward to in 2013?

An early Christmas present of being a Calcutta winner

What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta?

Any one of those -8 or -7 teams as they see me as the easy match (sorry you won't see one of them)

How do you think Byron broke his leg?

That’s a tough one, but I am sure it involved a lot more near beer that is being admitted to

How do you think your team will do in this year’s Calcutta?

We are that dark horse; I will play my typical unforced errorless game. So if my partner lives up to his statute, will are destined for a run deep into the weekend.

If the Calcutta was like Survivor, who would be first voted off the island and who would be your favourite to win based on their ability to outthink, outwit and outlast the others?

It can only be Pozzo as the group’s favorite to rag on and Norm Gaudette is a crafty old bugger

Taylor Swift or Rihanna or Shania?

Hmmm…youth vs sexy vs hot experience. I have to stop thinking about this as things are happening below

What is your favourite meal?

A free one (Ed has his own table at this upscale establishment)

What do you want to be doing five years from now?

Oh God, I don’t know what I am doing now but I want to be the guy who does nothing but talk on the phone and there is no paper trail as to what I said or did.

Herbavore

Everyone's favourite target, Brent Hurtibise (does anyone really know how to spell or pronounce his name) and I spoke over a cold one at the club

Brent what''s it like having stud partners year after year at the Calcutta?  Well Jeff I am not sure I can agree with your adjective for my partners.  First year's partner left it up to me to make winning shot at 14-14 in match against Sully and Nate and then he was overwhelmed the next day in our match against my next year's partner Norm Crook.

But isn't it true that you could hardly see in that match against Crook/Morton?  Oh I could see all right.  The problem was I listened to my partner and left him all the balls

Hmmm.  Now what happened with Norm?  Well we did pretty well and got to semis where we lost to eventual champions in a good match.

Okay but what are you doing switching back from left to right to left wall?  No comment (later this reporter heard Brent saying to Gerald - yes WTF am I doing switching back and forth?)


What is your greatest weakness? 
I’m Naïve.  When I started playing doubles, I actually thought Gary always knew what he was doing.

What is the most memorable or favourite sporting event you ever attended?  

2012 Smitty.  I thought Byron might die on court.  All bets were off.

Who is your favourite James Bond girl?  

Who else … “Pussy Galore”.   

What are you most looking forward to in 2013? 

Watching Morty crash through the glass at the Calcutta.  This after he hits himself with the racket unintentionally and diving for a ball he had no business diving for. (This from a guy who calls for balls that are not his and then hits his partner L)

What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta? 

Cass and Richard.

How do you think Byron broke his leg?

Donnelly’s kinda right but I heard Byron attempted a 100 yard dash on a 90 yard track.  Insert final 10 yards here …….

How do you think your team will do in this year’s Calcutta? 

 Over to you Ivan.  (Good strategy Brent – a man’s got to know his limitations)

If the Calcutta was like Survivor, who would be first voted off the island and who would be your favourite to win based on their ability to outthink, outwit and outlast the others?

 I think Morty is the only surviving viewer of “Survivor”.  He PVR’s it still. (Yes I know how to work a PVR)

Taylor Swift or Rihanna or Shania? 

According to the rule; half your age + 7.  Swift and Rihanna are out for everyone but Paul Kelly and I’m sure they’re way down on his list.  (Actually Paul chose Taylor)

What is your favourite meal?

F**K it…I’ll have first servings on what Bellm is having.

What do you want to be doing five years from now?

Not sure…but I better have something better to do on Sunday mornings at 10am than watch Gary yell at Clive.  Church anyone.

Ivan Hunt

Ivan is a tough guy to catch up with - here he is in his Ivan the Terrible costume.  When asked how he thought he would do in this year's Calcutta he expressed tremendous optimism until he realized who his partner was.  He then clammed up and refused to answer any more questions.

Good luck Ivan - you will need it!

Paul Kelly

Paul and I recently spoke about the upcoming Calcutta

Paul what do you think your chances are this year?  Well I have a partner this year who understands the game.  He has a five foot area of the court that he calls home and although Norm likes to travel the world, he never leaves his home on the squash court.

Do you think you'll be able to effectively cover the remainder of the court?  I had to do the same last year but my ex partner was not familiar with what should have been his home area and he kept getting in the way. Who can ever forget his last shot of the tourney?

What's it like being Byron's wing man?  I have a couple of secrets on that one Jeff - never try and keep up with the Jagger shots and get a one hour disco snooze around 10 p.m.


What is your greatest weakness?
FBB- Face, boobs, bum

What is the most memorable or favourite sporting event you ever attended?

Rugby world cup 2007

Who is your favourite James Bond girl?

Ursula Andress, the quintessential Bond girl. Beautiful, exotic, highly sexual and totally unavailable to anyone apart from him

Evil one : Sophie Marceau

What are you most looking forward to in 2013?

Not having to play with Morty in the Calcutta

What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta?

Peters/Brock

How do you think Byron broke his leg?

Something to do with a midget, a tube of Vaseline and a handful of gravel.

How do you think your team will do in this year’s Calcutta?

Finals

If the Calcutta was like Survivor, who would be first voted off the island and who would be your favourite to win based on their ability to outthink, outwit and outlast the others?

Cass, and Gary will win it all.

Taylor Swift or Rihanna or Shania?

Taylor

What is your favourite meal?

Deep fried pizza, in batter with curry sauce…. It doesn’t show.

What do you want to be doing five years from now?

Winning the Calcutta.

Norm Gaudette

Norm what do you think of your chances this year?  Well Jeff I think my best opportunity was last year when we faced Ivan and John Graham and then Peter and Tom.  This year's draw is much more difficult and I'm not sure that my grandson Paul will be able to cover the court effectively.  

Norm what gives you the bad gas that you seem to have 80% of the time?  Clean living

What was it like having Cass as a partner in Buffalo?  I'm used to having flaky left handed partners so it was pretty easy to adjust.  I did have to move above the red line a couple of times though and struggled to get back to my corner

What is the one team you really want to beat?  Ted Charuk's team now 

Following last question, Norm went home for a nap to prepare for his first match

Steve Kearns and Jeff Morton

Steve (squash player and golfer) Kearns

Jeff (wanna be ball player) Morton

Steve Kearns


What is your greatest weakness?
A really hard breaking ball, when I don’t have a partner who can pick it up.  No problem this year though….my partner gets everything (until just recently – too much pressure J )

What is the most memorable or favourite sporting event you ever attended?

Leafs vs Bruins, February 2, 1976.  Sat right behind the goal with my Dad…Darryl Sittler’s record 10 point night.  (now that is a great memory)

Who is your favourite James Bond girl? 

Come on…we’d all take any of them…no favorites here. (Yes you are right)

What are you most looking forward to in 2013?

Golf season.

What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta?

Bowder/Chuck.  I think if we beat them, we win.

How do you think Byron broke his leg?

I’m really not sure but noticed he is taking full advantage of the handicap parking spots. 

How do you think your team will do in this year’s Calcutta?

We’ll be there for at least 2 games.  Maybe more…

If the Calcutta was like Survivor, who would be first voted off the island and who would be your favourite to win based on their ability to outthink, outwit and outlast the others?

Me.  I hate Survivor.  I’d vote myself off.

Taylor Swift or Rihanna or Shania?

Taylor.  Hands down. (partner agrees)

What is your favourite meal?

Anything on a Big Green Egg (look it up).  Check out this picture – anyone ever wonder where Richard Green got all his money – could be this contraption

What do you want to be doing five years from now?

Preparing for another Calcutta, with a really under-rated partner. (well partner I am the only one who over rates myself)

Jeff Morton

What is your greatest weakness?
Some might say my backhand, but frankly it could be a lack of patience in just about everything I do.

What is the most memorable or favourite sporting event you ever attended?

1981 Blue Jay home opener with my Dad, two brothers and a few other guys. Beat the Yankees, cold day and cold beers at CNE stadium

Who is your favourite James Bond girl? 

Solitaire – Live and Let Die

What are you most looking forward to in 2013?

 Coming off the wagon at the Calcutta

What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta? 

Ivan and Brent (after they knock off Graham and Drew)

How do you think Byron broke his leg? 

Recently, during a routine patrol, A Burlington police officer parked down the street, outside Burlington Racquets.  After last call, the officer observed Byron leaving the side door. Byron was so intoxicated that he could barely walk. He then stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. 

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, Byron managed to find his car, which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes and then threw a hook and line out the window and seemed to be trying to catch a fish. A number of other patrons paid no attention to this crazy drunk as they left the bar and drove off.

Finally Byron the drunk started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry fall night in November) flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn, and switched on the headlights.
He then pulled in the hook and line and moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patron vehicles left. At last, the parking lot was empty; he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.

The officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled Byron over. He performed a Breathalyzer test on Byron who cooperated fully, and to his amazement, the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, I will have to ask you to accompany me to Headquarters.
This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Byron.
"Tonight I'm the designated decoy." 

Byron then tripped and fell getting back into the car and broke his leg.

How do you think your team will do in this year’s Calcutta? 

Better than last year 

If the Calcutta was like Survivor, who would be first voted off the island and who would be your favourite to win based on their ability to outthink, outwit and outlast the others?

 Dave Peters first off since he is such a stud and too much a physical threat and Mark Litton to win it all – I mean really who doesn’t like Mark

Taylor Swift or Rihanna or Shania?

Taylor Swift who coined the memorable

We are never ever ever getting back together
We are never ever ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends talk
To my friends talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

What is your favourite meal? 

Spaghetti and meatballs

What do you want to be doing five years from now? Playing Division 5 at the 3 spot with Mike Donnelly

New to Doubles but not his first day at the rodeo - Doug Rotate on this Trumper

Well this year's Calcutta promises to be anything but quiet with the addition of the like-able, hard hitting, hard livin Trumps.  I caught up to him recently in the bar and this is how he said hello

Pretty much says it all
Doug Trumper

 Doug Trumper


What is your greatest weakness?
Rye and coke.  First picture below is Trump's ultimate rye and coke with cherries on top.  The second picture is the ladies he was with who drank him under the table.  Looks like a fun night.

What is the most memorable or favourite sporting event you ever attended?

Packers vs Bears  this past Sept.

Who is your favourite James Bond girl?

Vesper Lynd

What are you most looking forward to in 2013?

Winning the Calcutta.

What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta?

Jeff Morton’s (Trumps what’s up with that – aren’t I the guy who got you a couple of F150 hats and a shirt or two?)

How do you think Byron broke his leg? 

He was jumping for my drop shot. (Yes he was surprised cause not many people have ever seen that shot)

How do you think your team will do in this year’s Calcutta?

Victory 

If the Calcutta was like Survivor, who would be first voted off the island and who would be your favourite to win based on their ability to outthink, outwit and outlast the others? The guy that wrote these questions. (Herbavore did)

Taylor Swift or Rihanna or Shania?

TS (clearly Trumps is close to Taylor)

What is your favourite meal?

Spag Bog (?????)

What do you want to be doing five years from now?

 Learning how to send emails.