The Incomparable Byron Goodwin and Doug Walton

Byron "let me get this straight" Goodwin

Doug Walton

Doug Walton

1.    What are you most looking forward to in 2014?   

That’s easy…..Good Health

2.    Who would you want as your wingman on a night out and why?  

Tom Nederepel….he could talk his way out of anything.    

3.    If you could replace one body part which one would it be and why?  

Hmmm….Heart it’s had better days

4.    What do you think Ray Coates is doing now?  

Was he a former Blue Jay ?  (Editor's note - I can't make this stuff up - following headlines are for real - Ray oh Ray what the heck happened)

Once a Blue Jay, always a Blue Jay': Ray Coates' services set for Monday

5.    The weekend of the Calcutta Byron will:

a)    Be too tired to play because of ovulation duties – he better not…he’s my partner

b)    Miss a game due to recruiting responsibilities  - he better not…he’s my partner

c)    Hire Ray Coates to be a Byron clone for duties at home….he better not…he’s my partner

d)    Forgo karaoke and shots for pizza and wings….he better not he’s my partner….

e)    Win the Calcutta….OK more like it.

6.    What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta.  

Who ever set these handicaps….who’s responsible

7.    Ok you’ve seen the post “Who’s your favourite and why?”  Please weigh in with your answer. 

Amborsio – she reminds me of my wife ! (no wonder you have a bad heart)

8.    Predict one team that will get knocked out in the first round?

Whomever gets line up with us (I'll take that bet)

9.    Who do you think will win it all?

Goodwin /Walton even with these absurd spreads…

10. What is something that not a lot of people know about you but you WISH more people COULD know?

Brian Maynard and I won 5 straight Open Doubles Club Championships…but no one seems to believe us.  Should have got that trophy engraved. (Was this at the Y?)

11. How many times have you been naked in public? Feel free to elaborate.  

This is a question for my partner Byron.

12. If you won a million dollars and needed to spend it in 3 months, how would you spend it?   

Oh…easy….just pay of today’s debts.

Byron Goodwin

1.    What are you most looking forward to in 2014?

a.    Our Division 3 Team winning T&D League and moving up to Division 2. (now that would make next season interesting)

2.    Who would you want as your wingman on a night out and why?     

a.    John Belushi. It would be one hell of a night out….and would also be my last!

Yes it would Byron

3.    If you could replace one body part which one would it be and why?  

a.    My left pinkie toe.  Everything else works for me just fine….knock on wood.

4.    What do you think Ray Coates is doing now?

a.    Kicking back with a martini or two combing his brand new Afro in the mirror. That is what Teva Pharmaceuticals offered him as a signing bonus to relocate.

Note hair and new glasses 

5.    The weekend of the Calcutta Byron will:

a)    Be too tired to play because of ovulation duties

b)    Miss a game due to recruiting responsibilities

c)    Hire Ray Coates to be a Byron clone for duties at home

d)    Forgo karaoke and shots for pizza and wings

e)    Win the Calcutta

“E” of course.

6.    What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta.

a.    Peters & Chisholm. There is only room for ONE at the top. There is some serious bad blood there…

7.    Ok you’ve seen the post “Who’s your favourite and why?”  Please weigh in with your answer.

a.    No question, Shakira. Gotta love the “Junk in the Trunk” South American girls

8.    Predict one team that will get knocked out in the first round?

a.    Donnelly/Barrett. Too much creative differences going on there…

9.    Who do you think will win it all?

a.    Please see answer number 5

10. What is something that not a lot of people know about you but you WISH more people COULD know?

a.    That I’m a VERY famous person, just not a lot of people know it….

11. How many times have you been naked in public? Feel free to elaborate. 

a.    I have signed a previous “non-disclosure” document related to the above question.

12. If you won a million dollars and needed to spend it in 3 months, how would you spend it?

a.    VEGAS…! That would only last me for a week though….

Byron Goodwin
Thanks for sponsoring with Oliver Byron

Never Wrong Gary Long and Paul Kretz - What a pair!

Paul Kretz feeling the pressure

Gary "Curly" Long and a close friend

Gary Long

1.    What are you most looking forward to in 2014?

Hopefully, all of our T & D teams (Div. 2 combined, 3 and 5) making it

      to the T & D finals at Cedar Springs

2.    Who would you want as your wingman on a night out and why?    

Nate because sometimes the girls come over to me with their phone number and ask if I’d make sure my son (who they think is Nate) gets it, then I take over from there making sure he’s set for the night…actually that makes me a wingman

3.    If you could replace one body part which one would it be and why?  

My hair because of that friar tuck look, with a close second, my gut because it keeps getting in the way of the steering wheel.

4.    What do you think Ray Coates is doing now?

Getting ready to board a flight back to Canada (see below, option “C”)

5.    The weekend of the Calcutta Byron will:

a)    Be too tired to play because of ovulation duties

b)    Miss a game due to recruiting responsibilities

c)    Hire Ray Coates to be a Byron clone for duties at home

d)    Forgo karaoke and shots for pizza and wings

e)    Win the Calcutta

Is this a trick question?  A, b, c, d  (not experienced enough for “E” but very experienced for a, b and d)

6.    What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta.

Isn’t it  obvious and probably everybody else’s answer….”Mike Donnelly’s Team”

7.    Ok you’ve seen the post “Who’s your favourite and why?”  Please weigh in with your answer. 

The one with the easiest name to pronounce – Doug Trumper!

8.    Predict one team that will get knocked out in the first round?

Nate’s because that usually happens to him and his partner…oh, I may be confusing his Calcutta history with his Van Wely tournament history

9.    Who do you think will win it all?

Choices?  Bowder/Hurtubise (if Brent listens to his partner), Crook/Camacho (if they venture ahead of  the red line) and Clark/Jury (if Clark figures how to dig out those deep slow lobs on his backhand and Jury stays away from the tin)

10. What is something that not a lot of people know about you but you WISH more people COULD know? 

I’m a spy for the Chinese government gathering viable Canadian information while pretending to be a doubles squash player

11. How many times have you been naked in public? Feel free to elaborate.

In grade 12, a buddy and I streaked at a bridal shower and 30 minutes later we watched 2 of the girls at the shower streak through the old McDonalds on Lakeshore Rd. in Oakville.  Wow , what a view , especially when one of the girls (heading for the rear exit of the building) wiped out while trying to navigate a corner turn.

12. If you won a million dollars and needed to spend it in 3 months, how would you spend it?

Probably fixing up the house and with money left over, I’d  somehow try to turn the BFR club around  by trying to buy the squash portion of the club.

Paul Kretz

1.    What are you most looking forward to in 2014?

 Going away to the islands

2.    Who would you want as your wingman on a night out and why?  

Wingman would be Norm Gaudette because he can talk women into anything and make friends with the jealous husbands   

3.    If you could replace one body part which one would it be and why?  

My ears be deaf so I don’t have to listen to Pozzo anymore. (It helps to be deaf with Gary as your partner too.)

4.    What do you think Ray Coates is doing now?

Reading Gary Longs book on why I am never wrong!!  Sorry parnter

5.    The weekend of the Calcutta Byron will:

Trying out for Team Squash Canada

6.    What is the one team that you really want to beat in this year’s Calcutta.

All of them no preferences

7.    Ok you’ve seen the post “Who’s your favourite and why?”  Please weigh in with your answer. 

Shania Twain.  No one can top her (editor’s note:  here is an example of Kretzy living in the past.  Shania was one of the options last year.  Just like your run to the finals was last year.  Come on dude.  Wake up and smell the coffee.)

8.    Predict one team that will get knocked out in the first round?

VanWhaley and Smith (Exhibit B –who are these guys?)

9.    Who do you think will win it all? 

Long and Kretz

10. What is something that not a lot of people know about you but you WISH more people COULD know?   

I can lick my eyebrows!

11. How many times have you been naked in public? Feel free to elaborate. 

Do hot tubs count …too many and must not elaborate as too many players in tournament could be revealed

12. If you won a million dollars and needed to spend it in 3 months, how would you spend it? 

It would last about one night going to casino with Crook, so I would rent a jet and take 30 Friends and family golfing around the world.

Who's your favourite and why?

Well gentlemen, it is time to get ready for your profile.  This year, I've researched the world's hottest women  extensively.  

Please review the following and be ready to answer the profile question - Who is your favourite hottest woman and why?  Be sure to scroll all the way down.  

Adriana Lima

Alessandra Ambrosio

Cobie Smulders

Gisele Bundchen

Ian Camacho (two fer)

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Kate Upton

Katy Perry

Lady Gaga

Shakira

Sofia Vergara

Doug Trumper at Packer game

Here are the teams and the handicaps

Thanks to the handicap committee - comprised of the following to the best of my knowledge:  Nate, Richard, Never Wrong, Peters, John Graham.

Much tighter handicaps this year with spread from high to low being reduced from 13 to 9.  So initial thoughts for these are:

1. Will Byron play?
2. How does defending champion get a 4?
3. Herbie on a new wall and a -3?  Who did he piss off?
4. How do division two players not have a minus handicap?
5. Will Nate finally win the Calcutta?

Following are the handicaps.

Donnelly/Maynard -6

Goodwin/Walton -5

Peters/Chisholm -5

Brechin/Mallon -4
Cawse/Cawse -4

Herbie/bowds -3

Drew/Docouto -3

Grootendorst/Rainusso -3
Camacho/Cook -3
McDonough/Quinn -2

Jury/Clark -2

Dowbiggin/Kelly -1

Hunt/Barrett 0
Kearns/Charuk 0

Morton/Mckeown 1

Kretz/Long 1

McKay/Veitch 1

Bellm/Graham 2

Litton/Braden 3

Gaudette/James 3